Too Much Love, Can Be Too Much
by VonSchweetz
Summary: Love knows no bounds, not even between humans and daemons, but this fact alone doesn't make it seem any better to the rest of the world. - PanxLyra
1. Chapter 1

The weather was bitterly cold, even for a winter in Oxford, the once bustling city was now reduced to a hollow shell of it's former self. It was late at night, and now most people were tucked up safe and sound in their beds, their heads in the clouds. However, Lyra Belacqua and Pantalaimon weren't just 'most people'.

Cautiously, Lyra pushed the door from her room and anxiously looked left, right, and then left again. All was clear. Gently she swept her long auburn hair from her eyes and took a quick glance at Pantalaimon, her small pine-marten daemon, who was nestled in her small blue jacket hood, his head drooping down her shoulder. Finally, after what seemed like minutes of waiting, Lyra and Pantalaimon left the room. Lyra turned back and gently clasped hold of the golden colored doorknob, and as quietly as she could, she closed the door, all without making the slightest sound. Mission Accomplished!

Glancing around, Lyra tip toed to the nearest window, and let out a muffled cry as she tripped on the long red carpeting, almost hitting the floor in the process. However, within seconds Lyra was back on her feet, with a now dazed Pan in her arms. She cautiously swept her way over to the window, grumbling lightly as she finally reached it. She gently wrapped her cold pink singers around the handle of the window and pushed it open, allowing the cold harsh winter air to finally penetrate the warm college building. Gently, Lyra brought her hands up to the top of the window, and brought herself up onto a fence opposite.

Battling the cold wind, Lyra managed to eventually make it to the rooftop of Jordan College, well one of the many rooftops to be exact. Every now and then, Lyra and Pan came up to the rooftops to think, and tonight was no exception. It was no secret that the dark night had a strange surreal appeal to her, and it felt amazing to be up high, watching the time pass by... Pantalaimon was now looking over Lyra's shoulder and now looked completely at peace, much like how Lyra felt now. Lyra spent what felt like hours climbing, trying to reach the highest rooftop... Maybe choosing a nearer window would have been easier...

The highest rooftop at Jordan College had been scaled by both Pan and herself many times, and it was the one place not even Billy dared to go! It was so high up that even Lyra herself sometimes dared not look down... But tonight was not one of those nights. Lyra was feeling particularly adventurous tonight, and as such she smiled as she looked down at the grounds of Jordan College below.

Lyra let out a deep sigh of relief. It may have been a hard thing to do, but it was worth it! Looking down at the grounds below made her feel as if she truly was on top of the world. It was then that Lyra first became aware of a person and his daemon below, Lyra could only just make them out on the grounds far below, and wasn't entirely sure that she could see them properly, the freezing cold of winter's night was enough to make anyone delirious!

Both of them seemed engrossed in a conversation, and whatever it was, it seemed important. Lyra gently picked herself up from the cold hard rooftop, and much to Pan's dismay, she began climbing down, hoping to be able to get near enough to hear what they were saying. Eventually, after climbing down various smaller buildings she was far down enough to hear what both the human and his daemon were saying.

"I can't hide the fact that I love you, just the fear that I may be found out is enough to make me regret taking this job in the first place Isis!" The man said anxiously to the ginger colored leopard. His face looked full of fear and concern, his body was shaking quite rigorously, although, that could have just been due to the intense cold of the evening.

"I love you too Robert, but you and me both know it's forbidden, we shouldn't even be talking about this now, not here, we could both end up in serious trouble --"

However, Isis didn't even get to finish her sentence as at that moment Lyra slipped forward, losing her footing on the building she was on moments earlier. She scrambled from the building letting out a loud shriek in the process, which immediately caught Robert's attention. Time fell in slow motion for Lyra, before she crashed into the ground with such force she was sure she had broken something. Lyra let out a loud sob as she touched the back of her head, noticing that blood was slowly seeping it's way onto her hand. Maybe climbing up here late at night wasn't such a good idea after all...

Langdon turned and stared at Isis for a second, before walking forward to where Lyra and Pan now lay both now looking slightly disgruntled.

"Hey, are you okay there? What's your name?" Isis said as she stood next to Langdon who's arm was now outstretched to allow Lyra to pull herself up; grabbing hold of the arm Lyra managed to get up and then groaned as she put weight on her leg.

"My name's Lyra. What's it to 'ya'?" Lyra replied hastily, hoping to have given Langdon and his daemon at least the slightest hint of Intimidation.  
Langdon smiled to this, and Lyra's scowled slightly; much to Pan's dismay.

"Ignore her, My name is Pantalaimon, but you can call me Pan!" Pan chirped disobediently from Lyra's hood. To this Lyra growled and gently grabbed Pantalaimon from the back of her neck and put him of the floor below her. Pan, once feeling the coldness of the frozen unloving ground changed his form into an owl and hovered slightly above the cold unloving grass.

"Well Lyra, my name is Robert Langdon and I -"

"What were you and your daemon talking about a minute ago?"

Langdon voice stopped dead in it's tracks and he looked down at Isis who now bore the same expression.  
"We were talking about my new job here, you know my new apartment, and what I shall be teaching!" Langdon lied; hoping that his bluff was as good as it seemed.

Lyra's face contorted as she heard this, she rubbed her eyes with her cold, and now red hands, and stared at both Langdon and Isis confused.

"There's no reason to lie to me and Pan y'know, we won't tell anyone. I heard what you were saying, just not all of it."

Langdon sighed unhappily as he heard this, the small child below him had heard everything, and now, knew about his predicament.

"Look, me and Pan won't say anything, you can trust us entirely!" Lyra said, attempting to break the silence that currently loomed over all of them.

Isis Looked at Pan who smiled at her warmly, almost like a parent did to a child. To this Langdon smiled, and then shook his head gently.  
"You wouldn't understand even if I told you Lyra, you're not old enough yet to even comprehend anything I would tell you... From what I've heard your daemon hasn't even settled yet!" This was true, usually when a human had finished puberty and entered adulthood, their daemon undertook a permanent form, which would mirror the feeling and emotions of their human.

"Anyway, I think it's time you headed back inside young one, I doubt anyone else knows you're out here?" Isis asked Lyra inquiringly.

To this Lyra only shook her head, taking her arm from her pocket Lyra walked up to the wall, glanced back at Langdon and Isis and then began ascending the wall, until, she was once again back at the top of the cold dark tower. It was always harder getting back up a tower than climbing down... Even more so after experiencing a fall.

Finally, Lyra and Pan both managed to make it all the way back to their room. Both breathed a sigh of relief as Lyra closed the door quietly. Lyra removed her jacket and placed it on the chair next to her desk; Lyra shivered as the warm air from her room gently swept along her skin. For a moment Lyra simply stared ahead of her, staring off into space... However soon enough she snapped out of her 'trance'. Shaking her head, Lyra walked up to her vacant bed and gently placed Pan lovingly on her pillow. She then took off her boots, and cautiously placed them where they had been in the afternoon right beside her wardrobe. Lyra then smiled and slowly walked to her bed. Climbing in, she gently took hold of Pan and held him against her. Before long, Lyra was fast asleep, once again allowing nature to take control of her thoughts and vision.

Lyra awoke to find Pan looking at her, he was once again in his pine-marten form and strangely enough, he looked worried. However, once he became aware Lyra was awake he quickly averted his eyes, and closed his eyes quickly, as if to avoid any questions.  
"Pan? What's wrong?" asked his human gently. To this Pan opened his mouth and then shut it again, as if scared to answer her question, although, eventually he opened his eyes and this time, he answered her.

"I've... I've been thinking about what we heard earlier..." Lyra's eyes met Pan's and she looked at him even move confused than ever. "You know that Langdon said he loved Isis, I don't think he meant it as everyone else does."  
Lyra wasn't entirely sure what Pan was trying to say, his words seemed to be hinting at something, and yet, it was something she didn't fully understand.

"What are you trying to say? That they are lovers?" Lyra knew of Love stories, she had been told many by Mrs Coulter when she came by, sometimes at night before she went to sleep, it wasn't often, but it happened from time to time. "You know... I thought the same thing when that Robert guy tried to lie to us, I thought, why lie about something unless it was really serious... And this would be serious!"

"Why would it be serious though?" Pan chirped quietly, his face quivering slightly from embarrassment. "It wouldn't be bad at all, they'd always have each other, It's... It's kind of the same way I feel about you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Lyra _stared_ at Pantalaimon curiously for a few seconds, before quickly asking him to repeat what he said. She couldn't have heard what she thought she did... Pan didn't say that! He'd never say that! It must have been her head playing tricks on her...

"I Love you Lyra." Pan stated again, however this time much clearer, and without a hint of a stutter, or a glimpse of embarrassment. "I love you more than I could ever love anyone else..."

Pan, still in his pine marten form, gently licked Lyra's cheek, and nuzzled against her lovingly. However, Lyra was still confused, she gently stopped Pan and looked into his eyes, where she finally realized exactly what he meant. Pan loved her, not as a friend, like she did with Billy... He wanted to be there for her, not as her daemon, but as a lover, one she could be one with, one she could trust entirely.

Pan mistook Lyra's silence as rejection, and as such he sniffled gently, his feelings obviously hurt.

"Just... Can we just forget I ever said anything... I'm sorry..." he sobbed gently into her ear. However Lyra simply rubbed the top of his head and held him closer to her torso. She then planted a simple, innocent kiss on his nose, before wiping the tears from his eyes with her sleeve.

"Hush... It's going to be okay Pan..." Lyra whispered lovingly to him, cradling him in her arms as he sobbed. "I...I don't know what to say...

Pantalaimon simply stared into Lyra's eyes, tears glistening around her now red and puffy eye lids. "Just say you love me... I know you do..." he whispered knowingly. Lyra shuddered, and held Pan tighter, almost as if she was afraid he'd fly away if she let go. The two of the lay together for what felt like hours, but in fact it was literally only minutes of awkward silence.

"Please talk to me Lyra, I need to know..." Pan started talking, but simply trailed off, embarrassment clearly noticeable in his voice. Lyra knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon, which in a way was good... It was a Sunday after all, she wouldn't be woken until noon at least. Lyra was in a desperate struggle with her brain and her heart. Right now her heart was screaming for her to kiss Pantalaimon, and not just innocently as she had earlier. And yet her brain was telling her to reject these feelings, to cast them aside... But Lyra could never just cast aside her feelings for Pan, instead she decided to give in to what her heart was telling her.

Lyra gently grasped the back of Pan's head, and kissed him on the lips clumsily and yet passionately. She watched wide eyed as Pan tensed and then relaxed into her kiss, his form changing wildly from a Pine Marten into a cute wolf, all without pulling away from the kiss. Lyra couldn't remember ever pulling away from Pan, all she knew is that eventually she somehow managed to fall asleep, Pan still kissing her until her mind finally went blank.

Eventually though, Lyra came crashing back to earth. Her bed sheets were thrown from her body, and light flooded her room.

"Lyra Belacqua! Come on! It's almost noon! The master wishes to introduce you to someone before lunch starts!" a voice shouted, however Lyra didn't attempt to seek out who was in her room, she already knew... Instead she kept her eyes tightly shut, until she heard a deep sigh, and the sound of her door closing.

Lyra finally opened her eyes, and notice that Pan was still asleep, which was strange for a daemon. However, she smiled lovingly at his peaceful form, and kissed the top of his head gently.

Pan stirred, and then opened his eyes confused, it was weird for him to awaken at a different moment to Lyra, usually both of them did everything together... including sleeping. Lyra flinched as a sharp knock came at her door, the master's voice immediately flared through the key hole.

"Lyra, hurry up now, or you'll miss your chance to meet a very important person!"

Lyra grumbled lazily, and gently scooped Pantalaimon from the bed, and placed him on her bedside cabinet.

She then hurried over to her wardrobe and scooped out a thick lilac dress, complete with a warm cotton hood. As the put the wintery gown on, she caught Pantalaimon staring at her, however as she turned to look at him, he glanced the opposite direction, as if avoiding her gaze.

"Hey Pan, what you looking at, do I have somethin' on my face?" Lyra asked curiously, and began rubbing her face, attempting to remove whatever muck or dirt that may have been there. However Pan just smiled and morphed into a majestic bird and fluttered onto a now fully dressed Lyra's shoulder.

Lyra tilted her head and gently nuzzled against Pan, who giggled in response. "You know..." began Lyra cautiously, "I've been thinking about everything we both did last night." Pan suddenly grew shy, and changed into a mouse, and attempted to scurry down into Lyra's pocket, however Lyra gently picked him up by the tail and held him in her hand.

"I thought I told you to forget about it... I'm sorry, can we please just leave it alone?" he asked embarrassingly. However Lyra continued to stare at Pan, a smug look now plaguing her face.

"Oh? So you want to forget this...?" Lyra gently pulled Pan forward, and kissed him gently on his head, and smiled as he shuddered in her hand. "I think not... We'll talk about this again later anyway... We should go on down now, unless we want to get into trouble!"

Lyra smiled as she noticed, upon passing the landing windows, that it had snowed sometime during the night, coating the entire grounds of Jordan College in a think blanket of pure white flakes. Lyra started to head toward the nearest door when the Master turned his head around a door, and smiled as he spotted her.

"Lyra!" he said, attempting to gain her attention. He waited until she turned to look at him before continuing. "I have someone waiting, someone who's very anxious to meet you.. it's of the utter most importance."

Lyra glanced through the glass door and then back at the Master in annoyance, and then grumbled, before walking towards him and following him through the hallway.

"Now.. I must warn you that the man you are about to meet is a little eccentric, but his heart is in the right place." The Master whispered to Lyra as she followed behind him. "However, while he is here at Jordan he shall be treated with the same respect as any of our guests."

Lyra simply nodded, and smiled when they eventually came to a stop. Robert's voice was clearly audible already, even though the door was closed. It was obvious he was talking to his daemon.

"I'll leave you here with both of them, as I have an important conference to plan... you know where my office is if you need me." he smiled gently at both Lyra and Pan, and then walked away, taking a left and disappearing out of sight.

Lyra stood at the door for a second, and then gently knocked on the door three times, and stood still, waiting for a response.

"Who is it?" asked a voice from inside.

"It's us... Lyra and Pan." shouted Lyra, and within seconds of the worlds leaving her lips, she found herself face to face with the same man from the night before, however now he looked much fresher, as if he'd had a good nights sleep.

"Good to see you Miss Belacqua.. please come in.." he said calmly, leading her into the small but cozy office. The room itself was grand, reds and golds glistening from every direction. "Please take a seat."

Langdon guided Lyra and Pan over to a beautiful golden chair, cushioned with a luxurious shade of red. Lyra gently sat down, and stared across to Langdon, who was now sat opposite her, with Isis at his side, her head poking out from under the desk.

Langdon has a stern, yet friendly look on his face, and he kept a constant smile on his lips. He looked down to his daemon and then back to Lyra before speaking.

"Lyra, I need you to promise you won't tell anyone about what you heard last night." Langdon said cautiously. "If any of the others here find out about it, my career and life will be in tatters."

Lyra stared at Langdon, attempting to see if he was being serious... However, it was clear already that Langdon was deadly serious.

"I don't understand though... are you two...?" Lyra cut herself off, and looked at Isis and then again at Langdon, who sighed deeply.

"Me and Isis love each other very much Lyra, more so than you probably underst-" Lyra cut him off, her glare harsh enough to make the bravest of people stop in their tracks.

"I understand more than you think..." Lyra replied harsly, holding the still mouse-like Pantalaimon to her chest. "I Love Pan just as much as you love Isis..."

Langdon looked dumbfounded, as did his daemon. Langdon rose from his chair, and walked around his desk and knelt down before Lyra.

"Are you saying that you feel the same way about Pan as I do my daemon?" Langdon asked, his voice serious and almost like a whisper. Lyra only nodded to his question, and stayed quiet, which was very unusual for the normally wild spirited girl.

Isis hadn't moved or spoken once while Lyra had been in the room, but right now she seemed to be deep in thought.

Langdon however, seemed to be anxious, and gently clasped Lyra's face in his hands.

"I'm only going to say this once Lyra..." he began, his voice stuttering slightly. "You need to keep your love to yourself, if you don't you'll be condemned, you'll be hated, criticized, and disrespected, all for your love... Just as I will be if you tell anyone."

Lyra thought about what Langdon was saying, and finally nodded her head again.

"Now... why don't you go on out and play in the snow, I'm sure that's what you wanted to do anyway... I'll speak to you another time..."

Lyra gently scooped the freezing cold snow flakes into her hand and compressed the snow together until it made a soft ball. She laughed and threw it gently at Pan, who until now had been running around in the snow as a small polar bear.

However, once their laughs had died down, Lyra picked Pan up and looked into his eyes deeply. And then without a single thought, Lyra kissed him, not innocently, but a real kiss, one which had her passion and feelings poured into it. It went on for what felt like minutes, but in reality was only seconds.

"I Love you Pan."


End file.
